The mother of a friend of mine was in the habit of asking, “Is it a sin to worry? Because I worry and that worries me”. It illustrates the complexity of the subject and that it is not an activity that can be glossed over with trite platitudes.
We hear the admonition “Don’t worry” very frequently. It’s advice we have all probably given on a regular basis. Even Jesus said it – Matt.6:31,34; John 14:1. Most times it is ineffective to say “don’t worry” yet it is a part of our vocabulary. Bob Marlee and the Wailers had a song “Don’t worry, be happy”, suggested by a friend of mine to be drug-induced! I’ve seen the statement on T-shirts, bumper stickers and the like but it is not easy to not worry. Telling someone who’s overweight “Just don’t eat so much” is a true-enough piece of advice, but probably not helpful. Tell someone “It’s not likely to happen – it’s a one-in-a-million chance” will get you the reply “Yes, but it could happen!”
Worry is not only disruptive of a person’s tranquility, but also threatens spiritual confidence. The adage faith ends where worry begins is an overstatement that can cause people to ask “What is wrong with my faith in God?” We need to bear in mind that the capacity for worry is God-given and so we need to understand that something particular is in mind when the Lord says “Don’t worry!”. Failure to grasp this leads to the same sort of misunderstanding with passages like love your enemies. Defining of terms can be helpful: for example:
a. vows – people swear vows in scripture, as does God, and yet it is said we should not swear b. love/hate – Luke 14 commands us to hate others and our own life and yet we are to love even our enemies c. anger – anger is included in lists of sins and yet we are told to be angry and sin not These examples illustrate the various nuances we put on words in different occasions, and it is the same with worry.
There are people who don’t worry at all – we call them sociopaths and they’re dangerous. I don’t want to share the road with them nor do I want them to pilot the plane I’m flying on. Pain is nature’s warning goes the adage, and the warning system of life necessarily involves worry (cf. ‘concerns of the day (Matt.6:34) and “the concerns of all the churches” (2 Cor. 11:28). There is a form of worry that alerts us to danger. That is okay. Worry becomes a problem and unhealthy when it persists too long and never leads to constructive solutions. In other words, it gets out of hand.
Jesus’ command not to worry is about the unhealthy anxiety, not the short periods of concern that help us make sense of what is threatening us. We can see the type of worry in Jesus’ mind in Matt.6:27 Which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his stature? Jesus warns of the prolonged worry that becomes obsessional – that overwhelms us and will not let us go – like Jacob on the Jabbock. This Jesus wants us to give up by exercising faith in God – cf. John 14:1.
Usually, the most telling aspect about this worry is its’ focus on things that are so imaginative and therefore cannot lead us to any concrete constructive solutions. No wonder Jesus said what He said in Matt.6:27. Not only does this imaginative worry produce no change, it also gets in the road of living. It incapacitates and people go round and round and cannot find the exit. It’s also bad for your health – headaches, lowered immune system and stress. Often times stomach troubles are caused, not by what is eaten, but what is eating us. It gets in the road of happiness and contentment, and destroys relationships between employer/employee, husband/wife, parent/child etc. It leads to sin through the forsaking of daily responsibilities or abandoning dependency on God.. A woman wrote a letter to a magazine thus: For the first 70years of my life I was a worrier. As a child, I worried that my parents would die. At school I worried about my exam results, and when I started work I agonised that I might lose my job in those days of the depression. I also worried at that time about my looks – would I ever get a husband? When I became engaged I was sure something would stop our marriage. Afterwards I was fearful that my husband would die or lose his job. When my children came along I really began to worry. During my (early) menopause I just knew I would soon die, leaving my husband to cope with the children. Then, when my grandchildren arrived I began to worry about them. Two years ago, I suddenly realised the uselessness of fearing the worst. I realised that I had missed happiness and contentment during my lifetime. There is an Eskimo word “koviashuvick”, which means living in the present with quiet joy and happiness. That is how I live now. So my message to younger women is: stop worrying about things that, in all probability, will never happen.
What can be done about the worry habit? We need to ask ourselves “is the source of my concern imaginary or statistically highly unlikely? If it is imaginary, then focus on God. What part is useless (because it can’t change anything) and what part is constructive (help us avoid a danger or unpleasantness). Then, cutoff the useless part, and find what should be of concern and focus our energy on that – then we can break the worry habit and effectively follow Jesus’ command not to worry.. For example, when it comes to driving statistics might frighten us unnecessarily. True, there are dangers in driving and so plan an approach that is constructive:- do up seatbelts, no intoxication, be alert, do a defensive driving course, maintain your vehicle, pray and then leave the rest to God and statistics. Effectively what we are trying to do here is distinguish between concern and worry. Worry is that kind of unproductive mental activity that keeps thoughts revolving endlessly in our mind. Concern is mental activity of a similiar sort that has a view to taking action to resolve it. So, I can worry about a lump in my body or I can turn it into concern by seeing a doctor. Like the conscience which can produce torment and guilt in order to provoke resolution rather than long term guilt and torment, so we need the presence of the warning aspect of our mental capacities to exercise concern or care – but not let it get out of hand.
There are some strange beliefs that gather around the subject of worry. For example, there are many people who hesitate to make a will for in doing so one has to admit to one’s mortality and thereby hasten death! So, if you don’t make a will you will live (at least to a good old age). Others are of the view that if we worry about something it won’t happen, because most of the things we worry about don’t happen! So, keep worrying about something, praying continually, or else it will happen. The best approach is to pray, commit to God and then forget. This can backfire too. When Anne Lindberg was a little girl, J.P. Morgan was coming to tea at her home. Fearing the frankness of childhood, her mother talked to Anne beforehand. I need to tell you that it is rude to comment on anything peculiar about people you meet, so, of course, if you notice that Mr. Morgan’s nose is different you won’t say anything about it. Upon meeting the famous guest, Anne fixed her eyes relentlessly on the celebrated nose. Her mother noticed this with trepidation and tried, not too obviously, to speed her departure. At last the child was gone…safely gone. Anne’s mother breathed a sigh of relief and, pouring a cup of tea, she asked her visitor with a new complacence, And now, Mr. Morgan, will you have cream or lemon in your NOSE!
What can we do with the worry habit? First I believe we should monitor our thinking (Phil.4:8) – am I worrying or what? Next, write down what is bothering us and postpone worrying about it till later when I’ve got time. This does two things: it frees the mind for the present and perhaps, more importantly, it shows we can let go. Next, set a time for worrying, but limit it to five minutes or less to avoid it become habit-forming. A couple of pointers on concentrating on worry: one, have a prayerful approach (Phil.4:6) and two, be looking for a solution (in other words, what can I do to resolve this?). Finally, when the five minutes are up STOP. .