Romans is quite a book, perhaps the most complete in its scope of any in the Bible. There is a comprehensive theology in the first eleven chapters and then practical matters till the end. These practical lessons deal with relating to our fellowman. We are to enter into the life of the community of people we live amongst, even as Jesus (cf. Heb. 4:15). Sensitive considerations of those around us are important, even as the Proverbial writer said; He that blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him. (Prov. 27:14).
Rom. 12:15 is the object of our attention in this piece. Share the happiness of those who are happy, and the sorrow of those who are sad. Older versions are probably more well-known – Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Rejoice with those who rejoice is the harder of the two, so we will leave it till the last. Harder, you say!? Weep with those who weep – or mourn with those who mourn. Yes, weeping isn’t as hard for us for we’ve all had our share of hurts (man is of few days and full of trouble) and to see someone in pain prompts sympathy and empathy. The Stoics taught the opposite – be impervious to the plight of others. Christ taught otherwise.
I don’t know what to say when someone is hurting. There is an old piece of sage advice worth listening to – just show up! Nothing happens in life till someone shows up. Nothing happens on the shopfloor till someone shows up. Nothing happens in the pulpit till someone shows up. Half of life is just showing up!
People in grief often don’t remember what you say, but they do remember if you show up. I remember talking to a woman in hospital who reminded me of a visit I made to her husband over ten years before which I had forgotten. She remembered and said you were the only one to visit. You don’t have to say anything – the text just says “weep”. You know, and I know it’s a synecdoche where a part is substituted for the whole, and “weeping” probably includes some words, a hand on the shoulder, a hug and other things, but a speech is not required.
Abraham Lincoln frequently visited hospitals during the Civil War. He met a young man whose legs had been amputated and who was sinking fast. Is there anything I can do for you? Lincoln asked. You might write a letter to my mother. So Lincoln wrote the letter as dictated and added a postscript This letter was written by Abraham Lincoln. When the boy perused the letter he saw the postscript and looked with astonishment at the writer and asked, Are you the President?! Yes, and now you know, is there anything else I can do for you? The dying lad said, I guess you might hold my hand – see me through. So Lincoln sat down by the bed and held his hand through the night till it grew cold and rigid in death.
Try to say too much and you’ll probably blow it. How’s your wife? She died. Oh I’m sorry. It’s okay, she’s gone to Heaven. Oh I’m glad – oops that doesn’t sound right – I’m surprised! Job’s friends did okay for seven days – just showed up and sat there with their mouths shut. It was when they started to open their mouths Job responded with Sorry comforters are you all. But if we don’t show up then we will never have any idea what’s appropriate to say.
People don’t need Pollyanna observations: eg. You still have a lot to live for. or It’s all for the best. It is unwise to praise composure as courage and strength, for any expression of grief may be interpreted as a sign of cowardice or weakness. Don’t try the old game, if someone’s crying; Smile, God loves you. There is a time and a place for someone with the grumbles who needs to wake up and smell the coffee instead of wallowing in self-pity for ever and a day. There are enough trials and tragedies in life without imagining more. There is a time to count blessings and move on, as Paul said to well-meaning consoling brethren, Why do you mean to break my heart? (Acts 21:13)
You hear people at funerals encouraging the bereaved to not cry, because, if Christians, the dead are in a better place. It’s almost seen as a betrayal of our faith in God to cry. That’s not real. The Bible doesn’t say sorrow not, but sorrow not as those who have no hope. There’s a hope that takes the sting out of death. Jesus wept at the graveside of Lazarus, even though He knew He would raise him from the dead. What if tears don’t come? If they don’t come don’t try and manufacture them – this is a general word meaning to mourn, there is a specific word used for crying which is not used here.
Yet, having said that, it is much easier to weep with those who weep than to rejoice with those who rejoice. This rejoicing is not a reference to the rejoicing in the Lord always: that’s a rejoicing for ourselves and a conditioned reflex. We don’t have to work at that – if we’re over the moon about something we’re over the moon! Long ago Chrysostom wrote on this passage: It requires more of a high Christian temper to rejoice with them that do rejoice than to weep with those who weep. For this nature fulfills itself perfectly; and there is none so hard hearted as not to weep over him in calamity; but the other requires a very noble soul, so as to not only keep from envying, but even to feel pleasure with the person who is in esteem.
Man is prone to envy. It is a root sin – a sin that does not end in itself, but produces many branches. It produces hate (Gen. 37:4 – Joseph’s brothers envied and hated him). It is cruel (Gen. 37:20 – “Let’s kill him and cast him into some pit and see what happens to his dreams”. Acts 7:9 records the events in these words; “The patriarchs, moved with envy, sold Joseph into Egypt”. Prov. 27:4 opines, Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous, but who is able to stand before envy? Envy is insensitive and hard-hearted (Gen. 42:21 “We saw the anguish of his soul when he besought us and we would not hear”). Envy produces lies (Matt.27:18 – Jesus was delivered to Pilate because of envy and they lied and hired false witnesses). When Joseph’s brothers went home to dad they lied to cover their tracks.
Envy is rottenness to the bones (Prov.14:30) and a German proverb similarly says Envy eats nothing but its own heart. We see it in Saul and his jealousy of David, and it reduced him to a miserable vindictive wreck. Livy said, Envy has no other quality than detracting from virtue. “I wish I had his Rolls Royce and he had the wart on my nose”! The cause of jealousy is to be found within man and his nature. All want love and recognition. Saul wanted to be honoured by his people: Joseph’s brothers wanted to be loved by their father; The Jewish leaders in Jesus’ day wanted the recognition of the people. So David, Joseph and Jesus became the source of their losing that perceived love and esteem.
The answer to envy is to rejoice with others.
Jim McGuiggan told of a Christian woman who was an office worker in line for a promotion. Another worker wanted the job and began to slander her. Both knew what she was up to and, as it turned out, the Christian was passed over and the ungodly one got the job. The Christian bought her a dozen roses and a card which read; Congratulations! I’m pleased for you. If I can be of any assistance, please call on me. The promoted one broke down and went to the office of the Christian, sobbing bitterly. The Christian took her in her arms and invited her to he home (without sugary and sticky piety). They became good friends and sometime later she became a Christian. Now there were two Christians in that workplace.
The world has enough heartaches, broken promises, failure and despairing people. We should be glad when someone gets a break; when someone wins; when someone succeeds. Congratulate them and rejoice with them.